Fancy Suits

See if you can guess which one of these guys is an international icon and husband of the world's richest supermodel (as of 2007).

This seems like a perfect occasion for some Mountain Dew PJ's - maybe I will invest in a pair and send them Brady's way as a subtle gift/hint.

Mountain Dew Pajamas

Caron Butler of the Washington Wizards just kicked his Mountain Dew addiction, which included consuming at least (6) 12-ounce bottles of Dew daily. His withdrawal apparently included night sweats - here's hoping he didn't ruin his PJ's.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/More-on-Caron-Butler-s-extreme-Mountain-Dew-addi?urn=nba,198240

Cesar Millan

The best thing Oprah has ever foisted upon the world. In contrast to Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and Dr. Octopus, Cesar Millan is a positive force in the world, and I believe, a genuine person. Which is unbelieveable.

On second thought, I'm not sure if Oprah helped launch his career, but I'm going to proceed as though she did. And so what if I'm wrong - It's not like Oprah has the power to reach out and smite m-  

Ooch.

Anyway, he sits and truly listens to people who you or I would kick in the crotch. He helps them. He gets bitten. He is funny and engaging and earnest, even after all these years (he has been on the air since 2002).

What an amazing personality, to be able to connect with people of all types in minutes. And to keep from being jaded in such a industry (TV) and area (Los Angeles).

PS. I have no idea if Cesar is a nice guy or not - for all I know, he could be a drug dealer/rapist/child television star/birthday party clown, but he seems nice on TV. And that's what matters.

The Count of Monte Cristo

One of my favorite books of all time. It is truly epic. The narrative spans almost an entire lifetime. Every aspect of the plot is connected.

Plus it includes a prison break and buried treasure.

The 2002 movie of the same name was a disappointment, and I've been told not all translations of the book are equal (I've read and enjoy the Bantam edition translated and abridged by Lowell Blair).

The only thing missing is ninjas. Still, pretty awesome book even sans ninjas.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Hands down, the funniest show on television right now. This show is so good, I actually care what day and time it comes on. I do! I had to look it up, and it took me a while. But now it safely records on my TV box thing, and although I think it airs sometime Friday morning around 6:00, I generally find a new episode waiting for me around midday on Sunday. And oh, how I laugh!

What's that? You say it's on Thursdays at 10? On FX? It's right on the picture I posted?

Well. I'm embarrassed. Color me... embarrassed. Moving on...

This show was my "favorite show I had never seen" for a long time, until I actually saw it, and then it became one of my "favorite shows I had seen." [By "favorite show I had never seen," I mean that every time I saw 5 minutes in passing, I laughed out loud. By "favorite show I had seen," I mean I like this show.]

The first episode I saw in its entirety was the first show of season four. It happened to be on my cable company's On Demand offerings, and it was about cannibalism, racism, and eating monkey meat. I was sold. The final show of the fourth season featured a musical with pedophilia, a troll, and perhaps a tasteful rape scene. My favorite show from this, season five, involves a pee jar. I feel as though this should be enough to convince you to watch. Go now.

Leslie and the LY's

Leslie Hall, leader of the hip-hop trio, "Leslie and the LY's." Her gold pants are tight, both literally and figuratively. Her gem sweaters are only topped by her beats, and her sweaters are treee-mendous.

Good music - unless you hate awesome stuff, or love zombies. 

http://www.myspace.com/lesliehall

Justice

Justice: I know it's been under fire lately, but I for one am a huge fan. You may disagree but I ask you: Who else is going to send the illegal aliens in America back home to Sweden? Lady Justice never sleeps... [Bjorn Borg, I am looking at you].

I also like music and funny people.

Pastrami

If deli meats were a summer day, then pastrami would be the ice cream truck. Pastrami is/are (who can tell if the word is plural or not) the most underrated of the deli meats, and perhaps, given the correct implementation, the best. I'm not sure what magical animal this stuff comes from, but whatever it was before it died must have been magnificent... Perhaps an elephant with a shark attached to its back. Or an octopus with monkeys for hands. Whatever it was, it died for us, and I appreciate it. With spicy mustard on the side.

And before you start, turkey is nice but bland. Ham is sweet and meaty, but also sweaty and flat. Salami is too polka-dotty. Bologna has too many additives and pronunciation problems. Capicola is made from baby foreskins. Sopressata is made from capicola. I could go on and on...

Henceforth, until proven otherwise, Pastrami is the king of meats.

Ninja Boots

What's better than killing people before they even know you're there? These super-comfortable, 100% cotton ninja boots, that's what.
I don't know about you, but if I were looking for a sensible shoe that looks good on the town or lounging around the house, I would take it from ninjas and check these out. They're easy to care for (blood washes right out), and who spends more time on their feet than a ninja? Well, clowns maybe... But right after that - ninjas. So you know they're quality.

Throatees

I think this one is self-explanatory.

No? I will elaborate. For those of you not in touch with the latest fashion trends, a "throatee" is essentially a beard that covers only your neck. And yes, it IS as appealing to look at as you might think.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot of good throatee footage out there, so this picture will have to whet your appetite until this trend takes over CNBC and the View (I think Joy Behar would look absolutely fetching if she let hers grow in).

Please - hold your comments and emails. I am partial to all novelty facial hair and grooming procedures (the "rat-tail" was edged out for this post by a nose), but let the throatee have its day in the sun before you flood me with claims of how the chinstrap will reign forever, K-Fed or no K-Fed.

PS. The term throatee was coined by none other than me in high school physics class circa 1997, and the copyright is, um, in progress, so as it becomes a part of your daily vernacular, please keep track of how many times you say it, and just send me a check at the end of each month. Thank you kindly...

Trader Joe's Turkey Meatballs

For $2.99, these are tasty, cheap, not bad for you, and easy to make. There is, inconceivably, almost no downside. These meatballs violate a fundamental law of the universe: conservation of matter and energy. There is always some tradeoff, some energy spent for energy harvested, some matter created by other matter as it is destroyed.

I cannot find the downside to these meatballs, and frankly, I am scared that somewhere a piper is being paid handsomely. There must be another shoe to drop... Right now, people are sitting down to a fast, delicious dinner, and somewhere an innocent woodchuck is being violently sodomized.

Still testing...

Downfall of man. To be continued...

Testing This Out

Breathe it in... History. Right up in your nostrils. Glad you decided to join me. Oh, you like good stuff too? Sweet.