Stuff Me Likey

Brenda's French Soul Food

2010-03-17T20:36:00.002-04:00

Okay, so you may have caught onto a theme if you have been reading since the last post: we am now now including worldwide culinary excellence into Stuffmelikey. So that brings me to Brenda's, only the tastiest french soul food I have ever had for breakfast. Yes, I understand that is a very specific complement, but I am not one for superlatives (really?).

Anyway, this breakfast was excellent. And again, I am writing about food I ate roughly two years ago, so that kind of tells you how important a place Brenda's occupies in my life. I don't even remember what I ate for breakfast (I'm lying... cereal).

Important note: This place is in San Fransisco, and there is an infinite line, so I would probably call someone you know who lives there to put your name on the clipboard outside before you book your flight.

**I forgot to mention, you should eat the beignet stuffed with crawfish - I realize that sounds a bit like eating steak with ice cream, but you should really just do everything the internet asks you to do without asking questions.

Washtenaw Dairy

2010-03-17T20:25:00.001-04:00

Best ice cream I have ever had. In my life. Hands down. And I'm not even into ice cream. It all kind of just tastes good, but this stuff was spectacular. And I went there 3 years ago. Once. And I am writing about it now. So yeah, um... it was pretty good.

Moose tracks, by the way. That was the flavor. PS. This place is in Ann Arbor, MI. So good luck with that.

Hey, it's not my job to make the good stuff feasible and easy to get - I just tell you about them.

PS22 Chorus

2010-03-15T17:52:00.000-04:00

As mentioned previously, these kids sing the chorus in the Passion Pit song "Little Secrets." They are now all over the joint, and more famous than even I was at that age, but check them out anyway.

Go here for the bio and go here if you want to see them in action (I warn you: the room you are in may get a little dusty during viewing...).

Passion Pit

2010-03-15T17:48:00.000-04:00

I like these guys. They're Emerson/Cambridge/Boston-ie dudes, with this weird, catchy electro-pop sound. I had heard "Sleepyhead" on some Palm commercials and dug it, but then I found "Little Secrets" and fell in love. Primarily because of the backing vocals. Which are apparently school children from public school PS22 on Staten Island. More to follow...

Hannibal Buress

2010-03-15T17:33:00.000-04:00

This guy is my new favorite comedian no one has ever heard of except for people who care about comedians. I happened to watch a few minutes of one of John Oliver's New York Stand-up Thingies, and I loved this guy. Unfortunately, I could not remember his name, so for about a week, I just went around telling people I really liked this comic, but I could not remember his jokes after only one viewing, and I could not describe him apart from using the terms "unremarkable little black dude," and I did not want to appear racist or superficial to my story listeners, so the story kind of fell apart quickly and was generally followed by a fairly long silence.

But I have since found his name, so I'm good now. Check him out: Hannibal Buress.

Why are you still here? I said go!

Truthiness

2010-02-21T23:00:00.001-05:00

[Portrait of Stephen Colbert by Todd Lockwood]

The photograph smells like... Freedom.

What's that? You say it's not a photograph? I'll be damned.

Now that you mention it, I guess his flaming sword is more whitish-blueish light in real life than the yellowy-red one here.

Hair Gel

2010-02-21T22:43:00.000-05:00

This well-coiffed gentlemen above can only mean one thing: the NFL Combine is right around the corner.

An important note: we here at Stuff Me Likey have been trying to cultivate a unisex website, one that is friendly to both men and women. Even She-Males (It's true - I had a Lady GaGa post in the hopper). Anyway, this post is a bit of a departure. It's decidedly pro-male in nature. The NFL Combine and Draft are essentially the Golden Globes for hetero males.

[Perhaps more interesting, the Golden Globes are the NFL Combine and Draft for women and not-as-hetero males. Yeah, crazy right? I didn't know either... Just an FYI.]

Anyway, we here at Stuff Me Likey like the NFL draft a lot. So... just a warning... there may be some more departures. But I will try to remain fair and welcoming to both sexes, so I will attempt to include all of my pro-man posts with beefcake pictures like the one above. Just so we can all enjoy the site.

Your welcome.

Russian Aborigine Ice Dancers

2010-02-21T22:20:00.000-05:00

I think the picture speaks for itself: raz-ma-tazz!

For those of you who missed the Olympics in primetime on Sunday night, or if you also missed the Ice Dancing World Championships (Where are your priorities?), these Russian Ice Dancers (Oksana Domina and Maxim Shabalin) performed a "traditional" aboriginal dance on skates, wearing these "traditional" outfits. I am not making this up. Apparently, a similar performance occurred at the World Championships (pictured above). I think the Olympic performance, in an effort to be more authentic and culturally sensitive, includes blackface and shrunken heads.

I can't tell you how excited I am to see more of these people. I think they should put them everywhere: Late Night TV, cameos on Grey's Anatomy, getting blowouts on Jersey Shore. Actually, I guess it will be Jersey Shore Part II - the Outback.

There is one question I can't shake, though, and I'm guessing it's bugging you as well: What the f*ck was I doing watching Ice Dancing?

Modern Family

2010-02-04T18:23:00.000-05:00

If you are not watching this show yet, I have nothing but contempt for you.

Okay, that was a bit harsh. I have some contempt and some advice, and perhaps some lemonade. Perhaps.

Watch it now. Go. I would tell you when its on, but I promised my agent I wouldn't distract from my appearance on Gossip Girl, so you're on your own.

Even better, record it on your VCR-type-item and watch me square off in a slap fight with Blake Lively instead! Zoinks!

Jacob & The Man In Black

2010-02-03T19:09:00.004-05:00

Warning: if you are one of those people that hates spoilers, I have only this to say to you: Soylent Green is PEOPLE!

With that out of the way, I have been obsessed with Lost since last night's Season 6 premier episode, and I need to share my obsession.

I loved the wrinkle of Jacob and his "friend" (the "Man in Black" as the interweb is calling him, and left in the picture above) in the Season 5 finale, and have been feverishly anticipating this season for months. I have been speculating for some time now that Jacob is a reference to the biblical "Jacob's Ladder," the ladder to heaven envisioned by Jacob (son of Isaac, grandson of Abraham) in Genesis. At the end of Season 5, and with the introduction of the "Man in Black," I felt encouraged in my thinking and supposed that this new character might represent Esau, brother of Jacob.

But this thinking has led me to weird places. I began to look at the numbers sequence (4-8-15-16-23-42) and their relevance to verses in Genesis. I began to read up on Josephus, a Pharisee whose name I recognize from his import with early-Christian history, and who is somehow connected to a 'lucky' number sequence. This sequence is called the "Flavius-Josephus sieve," and is defined by the algorithm: a(n) is the smallest number such that twice the number of divisors of (a(n)-n)/3 gives the n-th term in the first differences of the sequence. I began to read up on the Bible Code that propagates through both the Kabbalah (based only on my memories from the 1998 Darren Aronofsky film Pi) and modern-day number theory concerning the Bible.

This is not the first of such bouts of curiosity I have felt at the hands of Lost. I recall investigating the Valenzetti equation, the Hanso/Dharma word etymology, and even the smoke monster (I recalled an eerie similarity to the nano-creature from Michael Crichton's lousy 2002 novel, Prey).

Needless to say, I'm a bit flamboozled these days... But in a good way.

A couple more prognostications (general, sweeping variety), though, for the record, and a few questions:

People on the island (as a result of the plane crash only) seem to die when they are at peace or have made some sort of amends (i.e. ascend Jacob's ladder) - Boone, Charlie, Eko, Ana Lucia, Michael.
The Man in Black (or Esau, if you will) can only take the form of people who are dead (and possibly on the island) - Yemi (Eko's brother who came via drug plane), Christian (Jack's dad who came via the Oceanic flight), Locke (who came via the Ajira flight). This does not explain the other people who have appeared on the island: Walt, Dave (Hurley's maybe-imaginary friend).
What happened to Walt? Why is he special (remember the dead birds and such)? Where's his tie-in? Is he just being avoided because his hormones kicked in, and he's a liability to the timeline?
What about the military people from the H-bomb era? How did they end up there? Where's Widmore's tie-in at the end of this? I don't believe they've ever explained how the military ended up there, and why they left (although I could be mistaken)...
Is there a current of parents and children running through the island? Jack &Christian, Claire & Christian, Old Con-Man Sawyer & Locke, Hawking & Faraday, Penny & Widmore... Are there more parent-child connections coming? Do they date back to the Blackrock? Are all the characters descendants of other inhabitants?
Richard Alpert is likely a slave from the Blackrock, but what is his deal? Did Ben get dipped in the spring inside the temple (to save his life when Sayid shot him)?

This is very rambling, I admit. I may revisit this to clean up/expound. I am thankful for the confusion, though. All this makes for interesting television. I am truly awed by the plot construction of Messrs. Abrams, Cuse, and Lindelof. Good TV is a nice change of pace, isn't it?

Lt. Vincent Hanna

2010-01-20T18:45:00.001-05:00

I feel as though I may have overstated my point the other day... I actually do like Al Pacino as an actor in a fair number of movies, and I hope you didn't mistake my playful ribbing of his method as outright aggression. As such, I want to allow Al to respond here in print - albeit in character, apparently. I believe he chose Lt. Vincent Hanna from the gritty crime drama Heat... Nice choice, right? Without further ado, here is an excerpt from my interview with Al Pacino (FYI, the rest was unintelligible):

Me: Thanks for joining us, Al. I guess I've always wondered-
Al: Don't waste MY MUTHERFU@&ing time!!

Me: Oh. Um... What would you say-
Al: Gimme ALL YOU GOT!! GIMME ALL YOU GOT!

Me: Heat is one of my favorite movies - what was your inspiration for the Vin-
Al: Well I am... over-fu@&in' whelmed. What d'you want for that, a junior g-man badge?

Me: Uh, no. I'm good. But your character, Vincent Hanna - there was a lot of... angst built into him. Where did it come from?
Al: I gotta hold on to my angst. I preserve it because I need it. It keeps me sharp, on the edge, where I gotta be.

Me: Um, definitely. Me too. Totally. What about behind the scenes? Did Michael Mann, the director, arrange for any real-life homicide detectives to consult with you on the picture?
Al: Us. The L-A-P-D. Po-lice Department... We just got made.

Me: Made what?
Al: [silence]

Me: [contemplating] What about Val Kilmer? How was it working with him? Tom Cruise has been quoted saying Val was-
Al: Cause she's got a great ass... and you got your head all the way up it!

Me: She? Val Kilmer is a man. You know that right?
Al: Ferocious, aren't I? When I think of asses, a woman's ass, something comes out of me.

Me: Ok. But Val Kilmer is definitely a man. I know his name is gender-neutral, and his hair is kind of long in the movie, but still... Definitely a man. Did something happen between you?
Al: [Singing] By the time I get to Phoenix, we'll be rising. She'll probably leave a note right on the door.

Me: What does that mean? Is Val Kilmer gay? Why are you singing?
Al: Albert, what's wrong with you? You drag me here, waste my time like this.

Me: Who's Albert? Why are you calling me Albert?
Al: Who? Who? What are you, a fu@&ing owl?

Me: That seems a little out of line. Why don't you-
Al: Empathy was yesterday. Today, you're wasting my motherfu@&ing time.

Me: I was just-
Al: This is my operation, I have tactical command that supercedes your rank...

Me: What rank?! I was just saying-
Al: I'm angry. I'm very angry, Ralph. You know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa, in her ex-husband's dead-tech, post-modernistic bullshit house if you want to. But you do not get to watch my fu@&ing television set!

Me: [scared for life]
Al: You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gotta do. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother, you are going down.

Me: [meekly, still very scared] I'm sorry I implied you might be gay partners with Val Kilmer...

*****END*****

Blue People

2010-01-14T16:24:00.001-05:00

Okay, that's better.

Down to bidness: Excellent movie. Visually amazing. I, for one, am generally not a fan of green screen usage for special effects, instead preferring the old Star Wars model ships and the like - to me, the lighting and depth is never right with the CGI (computer-generated imagery) stuff. Phantom Menace is a perfect example of this, as well as the issue of actors not perceiving their CGI counterparts at the right distance and angle. Even Transformers, which came out just a year and a half ago (July 2007), was fraught with all sorts of CGI issues, with voices not matching their onscreen sources and, quite frankly, too much damn shiny stuff. All told, I am generally skeptical verging on pessimistic with these types of movies.

[I will say that Sin City was a big milestone for me, in that it was the first time I have been lost in a CGI-driven movie and forgotten about the effects. I think striving to make everything, not just the CGI characters and landscape, look cartoonish/animated made all the difference. Although perhaps the technology is finally getting there...]

Blah Blah. Anyway, my point is that Avatar was amazing to watch. The lighting and shading and depth on the CGI characters was, to my eye, as good as it gets. Their interactions with their environment and their human counterparts was amazingly real. And the landscapes were believable. Beautiful and believable. Part of the secret to the success of the landscapes, I suspect, again lies in the effort to reach an unknown standard (i.e. a foreign planet) and not a known one (i.e. a talking yellow Mustang).

That said, apart from its visual appeal, there is actually an enjoyable movie underneath. The plot, albeit not a new concept, was not overtly trite either. All of the actors provided creditable performances apart from Sigourney Weaver, who was a little too cookie-cutter. I really enjoyed Sam Worthington in the lead role as well - not because he was amazing, but because he was a solid and understated and, most importantly, NOT Nick Cage... By that I mean, I am sick of the same faces and same crappy actors. Even great actors carry some of the baggage of their other roles with them: witness anything Al Pacino has done in the last ten years, try not yelling 'Whoo-Hah!' during his monologues, and you'll see what I mean. Every time you recognize an actor in a role, he/she loses a little bit of the believability that makes them great in a performance. This is what drives the great ones to immerse themselves physically in a role, not only to look the part, but to distance themselves from their previous roles (see Raging Bull, Monster, Courage Under Fire, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Last King of Scotland to name a few).

Tangent over. Bottom line: It was a solid, "workmanlike" film made better by an amazing visual display. And for someone like myself, who is as loathe to credit this CGI-explosion culture of Michael Bay and George Lucas as can be, this may be the greatest compliment I can give.

Floating Mountains

2010-01-14T15:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, I didn't like these all that much, but it sounded more interesting than "Blue People..."

Actually, on second thought...

Future Leaders of America

2010-01-13T18:41:00.000-05:00

If you haven't seen Jersey Shore yet, you are doing a disservice not only to yourself, but to your entire country, nay the future generations of the world. These people are the best and brightest of what can only be described as the Future Leaders of America. They are tan. They are well-coiffed. They are erudite without being pretentious. They sell t-shirts. They talk into a duck phone. They do walk-overs on crowded dance floors in dresses. They have Ravioli Night. They make fun of fat girls. They fist pump. They wear bedazzled shirts with eagles, angel wings or abstract designs. They hit the gym (GTL, baby!).

Okay, maybe they aren't erudite. But I like them. "They do, like, um... great things."

People Who Are Actually Funny

2010-01-13T18:23:00.000-05:00

I enjoy funny stuff. And funny people. I'm not a big fan of people who are unfunny. People who are simple-minded and mean whilst being unfunny are REALLY not so great. Contrasted with funny people, these people are a downright pox on society. And funny people who generally seem humble and nice and interesting to be around? Fantastic! Unfunny people who are disingenuous and uninteresting and weak-minded and bullying/front-running with their jokes? SUCKO! BIGTIME CRAPTASTIC!!

As you can imagine, when faced with such a contrast, one feels decidedly more affection for the funny person. Unfortunately, the people of Earth are left with... craptastic. I can only hope the funny people of Earth land on their feet with a modeling gig or fancy hair salon to the stars.

[Brought to you by the Committee to Elect CoCo President]

Brains

2009-12-22T18:28:00.000-05:00

BRAINS!!!

Dignity

2009-12-22T18:21:00.000-05:00

Such a precious commodity. And the kind you don't miss until it's gone. Everything's going fine and then- WHAM! Christmas sweater!

And the damage is done... What can you do afterward... except maybe piss on the carpet? Yeah, that'll do. [This works in just about any dignity robbing situation, by the way - trust me on this.]

Hard News Coverage

2009-12-08T21:22:00.000-05:00

You know what reaffirms my faith in humanity: the fact that all of the networks, news outlets, magazines, radio stations and blogs have steered clear of the tawdry, sensational story of Tiger Woods and his mistresses. You may not have heard, because it kind of flew under the radar, but he's apparently been caught cheating on his wife.
I, for one, am glad this story didn't get the kind of attention you might think, not because I empathize with Tiger (because I don't), and not because I don't find these types of stories juicy (because I do), but because I am sure that the problems that face America, nay the world, are far bigger and merit far more attention than some golfer 'sinking some putts' on... not his wife (the metaphor kind of fell apart on me).
It's almost like the media (or whoever owns them) would want to distract us from 30,000 troops going to Afghanistan or the debates in Congress over healthcare... I'm surprised they resisted the temptation, but I guess you can't give them too much credit - it's not like we (America and the world) as an audience would fall for those tricks anyway...
Anyway, I would love to preach more, and woo you with further sarcasm, but I have to go - CNN just reported Tiger had relations with a baby walrus while he was at the zoo. Details?!?

Outliers

2009-12-03T17:13:00.000-05:00

This is the first book I have read of Malcolm Gladwell's, but I found it very interesting and an enjoyable read. Apart from the part where he writes about plane crashes. Because I happened to be on a plane at the time. When I got to that part. So it was a little unnerving. But otherwise very good. A tip: enjoy it on the ground.

The Rhythm of the Night

2009-12-03T17:08:00.000-05:00

The best thing about DeBarge is that they are still relevant today. You can hear echoes of their sound in U2 and Michael Buble, and their look is definitely holding on thanks to Tyra Banks and Borat (including the pencil-thin mustaches). This song completes me.

Andrew W.K.

2009-12-01T19:08:00.001-05:00

This guy is bat-$hit crazy, but it's definitely working for him. I am one of the few connoisseurs out there who truly appreciate the musical theory and composition of his songs "Party Hard" or "She Is Beautiful," and yet enjoy the brainless lyrics and their "constipated old man" delivery.

If you are not familiar with his work, check out "Party Hard" or "She Is Beautiful," not because they're his best work, but because those are the only ones I know. Watch the videos. Then watch this:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120758328&ps=bb1

If you can make it past the first 12.5 minutes of unaccompanied piano improv (which is pretty good and yet mind-numbing enough that I skipped through parts of it), you will be rewarded with a spectacularly Johnny-Cash-esque version of "I Get Wet" (it's like you think), and then a pretty guttural, riveting cover of "The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress." All told, this guy is a study in contrasts, and my favorite musician with two initials for a last name.

Brakes

2009-11-16T09:40:00.000-05:00

I can't recommend these things enough. They're definitely catching on, but maybe you don't have some yet. Go get them now - you'll thank me. Or just keep smashing into stuff... Either way.

Ari Hest

2009-11-10T14:56:00.000-05:00

Ari Hest is a singer-songwriter from... well, I don't know where he's from. But I like his music. And that's what counts.

His voice is probably his calling card, with a gravely baritone that rivals Bruce Springsteen, and perhaps even does him one better on a cover of I'm On Fire. More than his voice though, he writes excellent music. He transitions from playing with and without a band seamlessly, and his songs always sound different from each other (no small feat for an emerging artist).

One of his first releases, an uptempo They're Onto Me, is still one of my favorites, but he has since released When And If, a moving ballad about a soldier away from home, and Ride the Brake, a trip across America in song. So Slow is also one of my favorites, although I could not tell you what the lyrics mean (though they certainly sound like they have some meaning)... I don't know how this guy has escaped a national spotlight thus far, and it is with a heavy heart that I shine my own on him now, as we both know the kind of influence I have across the country. But as much as I would like to keep his music all to myself, I believe sharing is a mitzvah. Enjoy...

http://www.arihest.com/home/home.html

Planet Money

2009-11-10T14:22:00.002-05:00

Planet Money is both a blog, a radio segment, and a podcast on National Public Radio (and its associated website/media). They aim to take incredibly complex things like Collateralized Debt Obligations and health insurance legislation and try to explain and present them in a fair, balanced and easy-to-understand fashion.

I highly recommend giving them a listen/read. When you consider that every piece of information you receive has a heavy bias attached to it, these people do their best to minimize that leverage, and cut the strings on what they provide. It is content that is refreshing, informative, and perspective-changing.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/

Introspection

2009-11-10T14:17:00.000-05:00

Sometime, I just like to stop and ponder my existence. I wonder about history and the world and where I fit in... The universe is really big.

Ripping the Eyes Out of Heads and Pissing in Dead Sculls

2009-11-10T14:05:00.000-05:00

Truly a gem of a line, in a movie filled with sparkling lines (A Few Good Men). As a general rule, I would not recommend f*cking with the wrong Marine, as this is the sort of thing that goes hand in hand with that sort of thing. Just an FYI. Good day.

Attractive People

2009-11-09T14:34:00.001-05:00

I know what you're thinking... Attractive people are a pox on society. Attractive people need to be spayed/neutered in order to control the population. Attractive people are the reason we have high taxes and poor health care across the nation. And to some extent, I agree with you.

But attractive people can also be used to drive a bus or pick up your trash. They tend to be flexible, so they make good chimney sweeps and prostitutes. They are excellent at getting out stains (you just have to rub them on the garment fairly hard) or holding up artwork.

I think American society's main problem with attractive people is just that they're not used properly. We tend to rely on them for philosophical advice, international outreach, baby adoption services, and sometimes state governance. I think we just need to apply them better, and everyone would be better off. So next time some attractive person walks through a door you hold for them, and rather than say thank you, they act like it is your job, just trip them and use them to get the stains out of rug! See? Win-win for everybody!

Pumpkin Beer

2009-11-09T14:13:00.001-05:00

Psst. I'll let you in on a little secret: Pocahontas was an alcoholic. She met John Smith out at a bar in Plymouth, and he took her home. This was no great feat, however, because as usual, she was banged up on Pumpkin Beer. Three weeks later, when her period came - that was the first Thanksgiving.

But who could blame her? (about the beer, not about John Smith - he looked like a hockey puck with legs) Pumpkin beer is delicious! If it were socially acceptable, I would drink it during sporting events like Gatorade. I would dip bread in it to make Better-Than-French Toast (or French-Canadian Toast, as it is more commonly known). I would make it into frozen cubes to put in all my other beverages... except for milk. That would be crossing the line.

But anyway, it's good. Surprising so, for those of us who generally avoid beers infused with fruit, vegetable, and/or meat. If I were you, I would drink it. And if I were you and you were underage, I would stick a straw into a pumpkin, suck hard, and pretend as if whatever came through the straw also made you happy and fun.

Walter Sobchak

2009-11-06T15:46:00.000-05:00

Never has a converted Jew, Vietnam-vet bowler captured America's imagination like Walter Sobchak. Co-star of the 1998 Coen brothers film The Big Lebowski, Walter (John Goodman) taught us so much. He taught us:
1) Never f*ck a stranger in the @$$.
2) You can pretty much get a toe anywhere at any time.
3) You cannot roll on Shabbat.
4) You cannot stand for unchecked aggression.
5) "China man" is not the preferred nomenclature for a man from China (or any Asian man for that matter).
6) If you f*ck a stranger in the @$$, bad things happen.

Where have you gone, Walter Sobchak? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you...

*Brought to you by the Committee for Walter Sobchak for President.

Spanx

2009-11-06T15:22:00.000-05:00

How could you not be a fan of false advertising? How can you not get behind moist heat and those marks you get from elastic materials when it's too tight and you wear it too long? What's not to love about mashed vag and lycra?

I for one am a big fan of these things. Sure, men feel cheated and as if they're dating a senior citizen, with all of the associated undergarments, but so what! Now every woman can wear silk! Yippee!

Fancy Suits

2009-10-27T14:53:00.000-04:00

See if you can guess which one of these guys is an international icon and husband of the world's richest supermodel (as of 2007).

This seems like a perfect occasion for some Mountain Dew PJ's - maybe I will invest in a pair and send them Brady's way as a subtle gift/hint.

Mountain Dew Pajamas

2009-10-27T14:41:00.000-04:00

Caron Butler of the Washington Wizards just kicked his Mountain Dew addiction, which included consuming at least (6) 12-ounce bottles of Dew daily. His withdrawal apparently included night sweats - here's hoping he didn't ruin his PJ's.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/More-on-Caron-Butler-s-extreme-Mountain-Dew-addi?urn=nba,198240

Cesar Millan

2009-10-27T14:07:00.000-04:00

The best thing Oprah has ever foisted upon the world. In contrast to Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and Dr. Octopus, Cesar Millan is a positive force in the world, and I believe, a genuine person. Which is unbelieveable.

On second thought, I'm not sure if Oprah helped launch his career, but I'm going to proceed as though she did. And so what if I'm wrong - It's not like Oprah has the power to reach out and smite m-

Ooch.

Anyway, he sits and truly listens to people who you or I would kick in the crotch. He helps them. He gets bitten. He is funny and engaging and earnest, even after all these years (he has been on the air since 2002).

What an amazing personality, to be able to connect with people of all types in minutes. And to keep from being jaded in such a industry (TV) and area (Los Angeles).

PS. I have no idea if Cesar is a nice guy or not - for all I know, he could be a drug dealer/rapist/child television star/birthday party clown, but he seems nice on TV. And that's what matters.

The Count of Monte Cristo

2009-10-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite books of all time. It is truly epic. The narrative spans almost an entire lifetime. Every aspect of the plot is connected.

Plus it includes a prison break and buried treasure.

The 2002 movie of the same name was a disappointment, and I've been told not all translations of the book are equal (I've read and enjoy the Bantam edition translated and abridged by Lowell Blair).

The only thing missing is ninjas. Still, pretty awesome book even sans ninjas.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

2009-10-21T23:36:00.000-04:00

Hands down, the funniest show on television right now. This show is so good, I actually care what day and time it comes on. I do! I had to look it up, and it took me a while. But now it safely records on my TV box thing, and although I think it airs sometime Friday morning around 6:00, I generally find a new episode waiting for me around midday on Sunday. And oh, how I laugh!

What's that? You say it's on Thursdays at 10? On FX? It's right on the picture I posted?

Well. I'm embarrassed. Color me... embarrassed. Moving on...

This show was my "favorite show I had never seen" for a long time, until I actually saw it, and then it became one of my "favorite shows I had seen." [By "favorite show I had never seen," I mean that every time I saw 5 minutes in passing, I laughed out loud. By "favorite show I had seen," I mean I like this show.]

The first episode I saw in its entirety was the first show of season four. It happened to be on my cable company's On Demand offerings, and it was about cannibalism, racism, and eating monkey meat. I was sold. The final show of the fourth season featured a musical with pedophilia, a troll, and perhaps a tasteful rape scene. My favorite show from this, season five, involves a pee jar. I feel as though this should be enough to convince you to watch. Go now.

Leslie and the LY's

2009-10-19T21:37:00.002-04:00

Leslie Hall, leader of the hip-hop trio, "Leslie and the LY's." Her gold pants are tight, both literally and figuratively. Her gem sweaters are only topped by her beats, and her sweaters are treee-mendous.

Good music - unless you hate awesome stuff, or love zombies.

http://www.myspace.com/lesliehall

Justice

2009-10-13T21:24:00.000-04:00

Justice: I know it's been under fire lately, but I for one am a huge fan. You may disagree but I ask you: Who else is going to send the illegal aliens in America back home to Sweden? Lady Justice never sleeps... [Bjorn Borg, I am looking at you].

I also like music and funny people.

Pastrami

2009-10-12T16:41:00.000-04:00

If deli meats were a summer day, then pastrami would be the ice cream truck. Pastrami is/are (who can tell if the word is plural or not) the most underrated of the deli meats, and perhaps, given the correct implementation, the best. I'm not sure what magical animal this stuff comes from, but whatever it was before it died must have been magnificent... Perhaps an elephant with a shark attached to its back. Or an octopus with monkeys for hands. Whatever it was, it died for us, and I appreciate it. With spicy mustard on the side.

And before you start, turkey is nice but bland. Ham is sweet and meaty, but also sweaty and flat. Salami is too polka-dotty. Bologna has too many additives and pronunciation problems. Capicola is made from baby foreskins. Sopressata is made from capicola. I could go on and on...

Henceforth, until proven otherwise, Pastrami is the king of meats.

Ninja Boots

2009-10-09T14:50:00.000-04:00

What's better than killing people before they even know you're there? These super-comfortable, 100% cotton ninja boots, that's what.
I don't know about you, but if I were looking for a sensible shoe that looks good on the town or lounging around the house, I would take it from ninjas and check these out. They're easy to care for (blood washes right out), and who spends more time on their feet than a ninja? Well, clowns maybe... But right after that - ninjas. So you know they're quality.

Throatees

2009-10-07T15:32:00.001-04:00

I think this one is self-explanatory.

No? I will elaborate. For those of you not in touch with the latest fashion trends, a "throatee" is essentially a beard that covers only your neck. And yes, it IS as appealing to look at as you might think.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot of good throatee footage out there, so this picture will have to whet your appetite until this trend takes over CNBC and the View (I think Joy Behar would look absolutely fetching if she let hers grow in).

Please - hold your comments and emails. I am partial to all novelty facial hair and grooming procedures (the "rat-tail" was edged out for this post by a nose), but let the throatee have its day in the sun before you flood me with claims of how the chinstrap will reign forever, K-Fed or no K-Fed.

PS. The term throatee was coined by none other than me in high school physics class circa 1997, and the copyright is, um, in progress, so as it becomes a part of your daily vernacular, please keep track of how many times you say it, and just send me a check at the end of each month. Thank you kindly...

Trader Joe's Turkey Meatballs

2009-10-05T18:52:00.003-04:00

For $2.99, these are tasty, cheap, not bad for you, and easy to make. There is, inconceivably, almost no downside. These meatballs violate a fundamental law of the universe: conservation of matter and energy. There is always some tradeoff, some energy spent for energy harvested, some matter created by other matter as it is destroyed.

I cannot find the downside to these meatballs, and frankly, I am scared that somewhere a piper is being paid handsomely. There must be another shoe to drop... Right now, people are sitting down to a fast, delicious dinner, and somewhere an innocent woodchuck is being violently sodomized.

Still testing...

2009-10-05T18:36:00.001-04:00

Downfall of man. To be continued...

Testing This Out

2009-10-05T18:25:00.000-04:00

Breathe it in... History. Right up in your nostrils. Glad you decided to join me. Oh, you like good stuff too? Sweet.